Family weddings as a parent

You know that weddings are magical from the perspective of a child. I wrote about it in my last post. But have you ever given it any thought from the perspective of the mom? Yes, you get to haul a barely-used dress out of the back your closet, and you get to go to a dance party for the first time in years. But there is unrestrained access to desserts – and your kids will badger you incessantly for just one more piece of candy.

What, this isn’t enough?!

It’s fantastic to see the cousins that you just don’t get to see often enough. But all the kids start jumping on the bed, and someone always falls off and hits their head. That damned monkey song is a users manual for moms too.

While the kids are playing, the adult cousins end up hanging around playgrounds and chatting like a gang of Slurpee rappers. That part is awesome.

And while you’re trying to pay attention to the vows, the kids tag-team ask you a hundred questions. It’s really freaking irritating answering the same questions over and over, while trying to keep your patience in check… Because nothing ruins a wedding as quickly as someone spazzing out on their kids.

I sure hope there’s an open bar…

And after all your patience at the ceremony, and helping to do hair, and painting nails, helping with zippers and tying bows, the kids only want to dance with everyone else. Which is kind of sucky. Except that you get to actually just feel the music and dance, like “the time BC” (the time Before Children).

You know, how Teal’c would say “the time BC” 

And you get to actually have a conversation with other adults that doesn’t revolve around poops and hand washing.

But after many hours of keeping the kids up past their bedtime, they start to cry a lot. It’s a total downer that you can’t just ignore them. 😉 The adult cousins are lucky enough to have kids that just crawl under a table and put themselves to sleep. It’s the freaking holy grail of parenting. Eventually, I get my 7 year old to fall asleep after rocking her back and forth like a baby. It leaves me exhausted and kills any natural buzz I had going on.

But damn she’s cute when she’s sleeping

And eventually someone has to get the now sleeping 7 and 8 year olds home… Since the one cab in town won’t be there for a while, and the kids are groggy and crying, you decide you can walk them home in the dark. It’s an adventure right? Across train tracks. In the rain. And directly into a giant mud puddle that makes everyone squeal in disgust.

What could go wrong in the dark?

For all the fun of visiting with loved ones (and the sadness at having to say goodbye), and the hassle of trying to stay a responsible parent (when you just want to have a bit of fun), at least you can make your family pose for a photo. And then give them bunny ears yourself.

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